When we think of narcissists, the first thing that comes to mind is a person with a big ego, full of himself. Someone who think they are super attractive and irresistible.
However, psychologists have had years to analyze narcissistic people and over time this definition has been widened to include more personality traits and backgrounds. Today, social behavior and psych sciences agree on one thing: narcissistic people are wounded, in one way or another.
Often the wound(s) they carry with them are from traumatic childhood experiences and parental neglect, however the end results are rather one sided. They spend their years carrying feelings of worthlessness, they feel unappreciated and as a consequence they suffer from low self – esteem.
Yes, that is right, narcissists very often suffer from lack of confidence, and this is exactly why they are in constant pursuit of validation from other people. From peers, teachers, colleagues and romantic partners.
Empaths on the other hand, are very different from narcissists. Whereas the narcissists might be apathetic to other people’s emotions, the empath has a strong ability to internalize, to feel deeply what another person is feeling. They feel other people’s joy and pain as if it was their own. It is both a blessing and a curse.
With their ability to connect emotionally, empaths tend to be healers. So, in their subconscious pursuit to heal and help, they might end up with a destructive personality like the narcissist. They might do so in an attempt to soothe their internal pain and discomfort and bring balance to their lives. Very often though, empaths are the ones who get hurt.
The first surprise for empaths, who are selfless givers, comes when they realize narcissists are the complete opposite. Narcissists are takers, focused on their own narrow self – interests and agendas. These personalities have even been described by psychologists as human black holes, constantly taking and sucking in the energy and goodwill of decent people around them. Nobody is left happy after an experience with such a person.
Such social dynamic can confuse and disbalance an empath. Plagued with goodness of heart and a dose of naivety, empaths often do not expect bad things from the people, as they wish nothing bad to anyone.
Always with an agenda of controlling and manipulating others, it is very important for the narcissist to be in the superior position in a relationship.
The empath on the other hand, with his emotional detector and drive for loving and healing seeks joy and opportunities to help. Such opposites can never be happy together and all attempts at finding a healthy balance will prove to be futile.
At this point both sides will do the only thing they know how: the empath will display love and caring, while the narcissists will gain more control and power in the relationship from the received affection. Like we said, one is a giver and the other is a taker.
Very soon, with a hurtful selfish partner creating toxic environment for the relationship, the empath starts to identify with the role of a victim. Here, the empath goes against his/her own nature and character and will start to adopt narcissist personality traits.
He/she will be start to behave like a narcissist because of the hurt and pain inflicted on him and it is a cruel pain for a loving empath to endure.
The empath will then start to desperately seek the approval of others, especially his/her partner. They begin to feel self – hatred and blame themselves for everything that is happening, even though they have very little fault to bear.
This is the crucial point where the empath needs to get his affairs in order, pull himself together and realize the situation he is in.
Expecting logical, common sense communication in dealing with these issues with a narcissist is just not on the table. Not on the table for an empath, and not for anyone else.
Attempting to sensibly communicate your feelings and concerns in this situation will only result in a manipulative or aggressive reaction from the narcissist. They never take responsibility for their own actions and always seek to blame someone else for the situation they’ve created.
A narcissist will attempt to turn the conversation in a way that will portray him as the victim, and the empath as the inconsiderate one, the selfish one, the aggressor.
The empath should must wake up and get an objective view of the situation. He must suspend his emotions before the pink glasses go down and he sees the reality of where he stands. Only then can the empath take the first step to getting out of such toxic relationship.
It is never a good thing, though, to blame the narcissist. The empath must take responsibility for ultimately, it is his decisions that brought him to that relationship, and it is only through his own initiative that he will get out. It will be emotionally difficult, but the personal benefits will be well worth it.
Ultimately, our decision and attitudes will bring to us the people in our lives and shape the world we live in. The empath must realize that in order to thrive and be happy, he must develop the social mechanisms to make cold analysis of situations, sometimes without too much emotional involvement.
That way you can avoid being manipulated by other people and having your vital energy sapped by negativity.
Narcissists are not going to change, so any efforts you may want to make in helping them improve will be a waste of time. Bear in mind that most of the negativity they spread is done unconsciously, and in those vicious operating patterns, they are capable of hurting anyone just to achieve their own goals.
In contrast, the empath is a sensible humane character seeking the love and live a life of purpose and contribution. Any contact an empath has had with a narcissist will probably view it later as a valuable life lesson. A learning experience but still something to be avoided at all cost.
The differences are more than obvious, and the idea of these two personalities having a loving nurturing relationship is just impossible.